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HUMOR

Tell Me Something To Feel Better About Myself!

Oct 7, 2016

A middle aged woman, standing in front of the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,
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Tortured Spies

Mar 30, 2016

There are 3 spies that get captured. One is French, one is English and the other is Italian and named Luigi. Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room.
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FAMILY COUNSELING

Mar 3, 2016

A wife drags her husband in for counseling after 35 years of marriage. When asked what the problem is, she launches into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 35 years they had been married.
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A Man Boards A Plane...A Beautiful Woman Sits Next to Him...

Oct 29, 2015

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
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TEXTING LOVE NOTES

Aug 21, 2015

A couple both got new smart phones. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and wrote:
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HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY

Jun 4, 2015

A woman walks into the kitchen to find her husband stalking flies with a fly swatter.
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The Value of Relationships!

May 1, 2015

A businessman in the first class cabin asked a drop-dead-gorgeous flight attendant, "What's your name, Miss?"...
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HEALTH ISSUES WE SHOULD ALL ADDRESS PROMPTLY

Feb 2, 2015

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of our shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of our shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
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HOW THE TRADITION OF THE LITTLE ANGEL ON TOP OF THE TREE STARTED!

Dec 18, 2014

The flu season had hit the North Pole very hard that year. A number of Santa's elves were sick... A number of Santa's elves were sick, the trainee elves could not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones.
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SUPREME COURT RULES NO NATIVITY SCENE IN DC

Dec 16, 2014

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States Capital this Christmas season.
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ANNUAL FEMALE MEDICAL EXAMINATION

Nov 20, 2014

During an medical examination the doctor says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse, and blood pressure are all fine.
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SOME GOOD NEWS, SOME BAD NEWS!

Nov 18, 2014

A CEO of a small company gets a call late in the afternoon from his attorney telling him that they need to talk, and that the matter is a bit urgent.A CEO of a small company gets a call late in the afternoon from his attorney telling him that they need to talk, and that the matter is a bit urgent....
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HUMOR MAKES THE HEART WARM.

Nov 2, 2014

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspaper FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
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MESSAGE FOR THE MOON!

Sep 3, 2014

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question.
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THE $50 LESSON

Jun 24, 2014

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, My neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from Walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up...
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A ROMANTIC DINNER

Feb 27, 2014

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away,
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ANGRY BLONDE BEING BLONDE!

Dec 2, 2013

Vicki, a blonde, suspects her husband of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes home and finds him unexpectedly in the arms of a redhead. Vicki becomes uncontrollably angry...
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THE SCOTTISH COW

Nov 22, 2013

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland.
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DEAD DUCK...CAT SCAN AND LAB REPORT $150!

Oct 18, 2013

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
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NEW WORD - INTAXICATION

Mar 15, 2013

A New Word to Add to Your Vocabulary...
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BOB GOES TO HELL

Mar 11, 2013

Bob who was an engineer by trade passes away and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his list and not seeing his name there immediately sends him to Hell. It doesn't take long before the Bob becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell...
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HOW'S YOUR DAY GOING? BEEN TO A BAR LATELY?

Mar 8, 2013

Paul was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a big, trouble-making biker full of tatoos and wearing a black leather jacket swaggers in and steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig and menacingly says, "Thanks, whatcha going to do about it?"
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A PIRATE WALKS INTO A SPORTS BAR...

Mar 8, 2013

"We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook?
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GOLDEN SALOON

Mar 1, 2013

Golden Saloon Sunil comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
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OLYMPIC BLOOPERS

Mar 1, 2013

We all saw the fabulous opening and closing ceremonies, We were able to watch world class competition, We enjoyed the best the world has to offer in regards to athletes. What some of us missed were some of the extraordinary news coverage, some of which follows:
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GOLF GAME BETWEEN MOSES AND JESUS

Nov 15, 2012

Moses and Jesus were playing golf and they had a third wheel playing with them. Moses walks to the tee box - and being that's he a bit old swung and hit the ball...
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CELL PHONE ETIQUETTE

Dec 12, 2012

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station...
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WHERE WHITE MAN WENT WRONG

Feb 3, 2013

Indian Chief "Two Eagles" was asked by a white U.S. gov't official "you have observed white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advance. You've seen his progress and the damage he's done."
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GAY MARRIAGE AND MARIJUANA

Feb 3, 2013

Gay marriage and marijuana were both legalized on the same day last week in some States.
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THE OUTDOORSMAN!

Feb 4, 2013

During my annual physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical weekend day this way:
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THE GREAT COMMUNICATOR...

Aug 27, 2012

Great communicators are not all cut from the same cloth. But they all share the ability to connect. That does not develop by accident. You cannot expect to succeed through dumb luck, as did the leader of a wagon train of pioneers that was heading across the Western Plains.
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